Trusting God's Heart

Two weeks ago Jared taught at our University campus. It was so exciting to see him up there and to see him teach God’s truth in a powerful and yet Jared-like way. He continued the James series and taught about faith and deeds… but I walked away thinking about ONE of his points. It’s something I’ve been wrestling with over the past few weeks- Trusting God’s heart. It sounds simple on paper. But God has been showing me how I act as if He is untrustworthy.

Jared was on stage, pacing back and forth- acknowledging all the pain and suffering in the room. And then he talked about trusting God in the midst of that. Usually at church I keep my gaze fixed up front (honestly, I think it’s weird when people look around during church) BUT for some reason I looked to the left and across the room I caught a glimpse of a couple trusting God’s heart in that very moment. This couple recently received news that their unborn child will be born with severe mental and possibly physical disabilities. And there they sat, tears streaming down their face, smiling- as they trusted God’s heart. It was a beautiful picture that trusting God’s heart is messy. It’s hard but it’s joyful.

And so here I am- trying to consistently trust God’s heart. Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes I’m just like Eve and doubt God- accusing Him of withholding things from me. And other times I fall on my face wondering why I would ever doubt Him. I’ve been reading through the book of Joshua. As much as I love the Old Testament – there is so much I haven’t read.

I want to operate just like Joshua- to hear a clear word from the Lord and obey immediately. God told him to do some pretty crazy stuff. If God told me to march around a wall for seven days and then blow horns… well to be honest I’d probably act like I didn’t hear Him. Or, I’d talk to my closest friends and see what they thought of the idea. But instead of all of that- Joshua obeys.

I want to be that person.

And more importantly, I want to hear God like that again. A while ago, I asked God to stop speaking to me like that. The last time I thought I had a clear, specific word from God I ended up hurt and confused. And in the midst of that I stopped trusting Gods voice and His heart. I kept reading my bible and I would tell God- I’d like for you to teach me something, some knowledge, but don’t SPEAK to me.

As wrong as I was in those moments… God was gracious with me. He didn’t run ahead of me or push me. He’s walked next to me, giving me time to rest, heal, and begin trusting Him again. It's been a slow process. He’s been my comforter and my strength the past few months and I’ve experienced Him in ways I never had before. My tiny, insignificant human brain will never understand God or His ways. And so I gave up trying. I've asked God to speak to me again. It sounds simple- but its monumental.

God, teach me to really trust You again. To hear you speak. Open my ears and forgive me for ever asking you to be silent in my life. And thank you for never actually being silent but instead gentle and patient.

I stole this quote from Jordan Stinziano's blog a year and a half ago. And over the past week I've read it every day. It has been my prayer for myself and for the Stinzianos- that in the midst of life- that there we would see Jesus Christ.

We’re not out of the woods yet, but when are we ever? Life is not that easy. But God is always in the midst of the wilderness with us… no matter how dark or desolate it seems. He is always declaring His goodness, His might, His power and His grace to us. The key to living in those dark times is to see Him there…to see and find Him…and be willing to embrace Him in the wilderness and wait there with Him until He leads you out. There His grace becomes evident. There His love becomes so overwhelming, and you become so confident that only He can lead you, only He can save you, only He can really love, and only He is worthy of your love and your life.