This past weekend I got to spend a lot of time with my family. I really do have one of the greatest families ever. And as crazy as they all are… I love them. I so often take them and my influence in their life for granted. But this weekend God opened my eyes. He reminded me that He desires a relationship with each of them. I wouldn’t change a single thing about any of them- but they are broken individuals without Christ. He reminded me that He’s called me to be a part of their story and that scares me. As I left I began to pray and ask God to equip me to fight on their behalf. And on my drive home I heard the song “Remedy” by David Crowder. I couldn’t help but in that moment worship as God reminded me who He is…
Oh, I can’t comprehend
can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy
Recently, a man so entwined in lies took his own life. I haven’t been able to get my mind away from that. I’ve spent a lot of time praying for the family but as I drove by the funeral I began to weep- not only for the family but for that man, and for the brokenness in this world. It felt like darkness had victory. And it made me angry. It is physically painful for me to think about the people walking around thinking and feeling like that man felt. I look at myself, my family, my friends and strangers- and it scares me because without Christ we are all just broken, beat, wounded, and weak.
But God is our remedy- it’s simple on paper. It’s harder in life- but it’s real. And I wish that everyone could experience that the same way I have. This weekend at church we sang a new Hillsong song called You Hold Me Now. And God reminded me that He does have victory! There is a greater day…
No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering,
You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame, no hiding
You hold me now, You hold me now.
Tonight in the car I asked Ellie and Cianna if they wanted to hear my new favorite song… so I played this for them and I tried to explain to Ellie that they were talking about Heaven. Where everything is good- there is no bad. She said, ‘so I bet you don’t have to go to bed there.’ I agreed. Then she asked what you do there and I told her you get to hang out with Jesus. She asked me what that would be like. Stumped… I looked at her in my review mirror, smiled and said ‘really cool.’ She asked if we could go there now. Instantly I thought- Oh, if only she really understood what Heaven was- she wouldn’t ask for that.
Truth is… if I really understood Heaven… I’d be asking for that too.
Jesus, help me lead the broken and weak to fall at your feet. And help me to stay there.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Trusting God's Heart
Two weeks ago Jared taught at our University campus. It was so exciting to see him up there and to see him teach God’s truth in a powerful and yet Jared-like way. He continued the James series and taught about faith and deeds… but I walked away thinking about ONE of his points. It’s something I’ve been wrestling with over the past few weeks- Trusting God’s heart. It sounds simple on paper. But God has been showing me how I act as if He is untrustworthy.
Jared was on stage, pacing back and forth- acknowledging all the pain and suffering in the room. And then he talked about trusting God in the midst of that. Usually at church I keep my gaze fixed up front (honestly, I think it’s weird when people look around during church) BUT for some reason I looked to the left and across the room I caught a glimpse of a couple trusting God’s heart in that very moment. This couple recently received news that their unborn child will be born with severe mental and possibly physical disabilities. And there they sat, tears streaming down their face, smiling- as they trusted God’s heart. It was a beautiful picture that trusting God’s heart is messy. It’s hard but it’s joyful.
And so here I am- trying to consistently trust God’s heart. Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes I’m just like Eve and doubt God- accusing Him of withholding things from me. And other times I fall on my face wondering why I would ever doubt Him. I’ve been reading through the book of Joshua. As much as I love the Old Testament – there is so much I haven’t read.
I want to operate just like Joshua- to hear a clear word from the Lord and obey immediately. God told him to do some pretty crazy stuff. If God told me to march around a wall for seven days and then blow horns… well to be honest I’d probably act like I didn’t hear Him. Or, I’d talk to my closest friends and see what they thought of the idea. But instead of all of that- Joshua obeys.
I want to be that person.
And more importantly, I want to hear God like that again. A while ago, I asked God to stop speaking to me like that. The last time I thought I had a clear, specific word from God I ended up hurt and confused. And in the midst of that I stopped trusting Gods voice and His heart. I kept reading my bible and I would tell God- I’d like for you to teach me something, some knowledge, but don’t SPEAK to me.
As wrong as I was in those moments… God was gracious with me. He didn’t run ahead of me or push me. He’s walked next to me, giving me time to rest, heal, and begin trusting Him again. It's been a slow process. He’s been my comforter and my strength the past few months and I’ve experienced Him in ways I never had before. My tiny, insignificant human brain will never understand God or His ways. And so I gave up trying. I've asked God to speak to me again. It sounds simple- but its monumental.
God, teach me to really trust You again. To hear you speak. Open my ears and forgive me for ever asking you to be silent in my life. And thank you for never actually being silent but instead gentle and patient.
I stole this quote from Jordan Stinziano's blog a year and a half ago. And over the past week I've read it every day. It has been my prayer for myself and for the Stinzianos- that in the midst of life- that there we would see Jesus Christ.
Jared was on stage, pacing back and forth- acknowledging all the pain and suffering in the room. And then he talked about trusting God in the midst of that. Usually at church I keep my gaze fixed up front (honestly, I think it’s weird when people look around during church) BUT for some reason I looked to the left and across the room I caught a glimpse of a couple trusting God’s heart in that very moment. This couple recently received news that their unborn child will be born with severe mental and possibly physical disabilities. And there they sat, tears streaming down their face, smiling- as they trusted God’s heart. It was a beautiful picture that trusting God’s heart is messy. It’s hard but it’s joyful.
And so here I am- trying to consistently trust God’s heart. Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes I’m just like Eve and doubt God- accusing Him of withholding things from me. And other times I fall on my face wondering why I would ever doubt Him. I’ve been reading through the book of Joshua. As much as I love the Old Testament – there is so much I haven’t read.
I want to operate just like Joshua- to hear a clear word from the Lord and obey immediately. God told him to do some pretty crazy stuff. If God told me to march around a wall for seven days and then blow horns… well to be honest I’d probably act like I didn’t hear Him. Or, I’d talk to my closest friends and see what they thought of the idea. But instead of all of that- Joshua obeys.
I want to be that person.
And more importantly, I want to hear God like that again. A while ago, I asked God to stop speaking to me like that. The last time I thought I had a clear, specific word from God I ended up hurt and confused. And in the midst of that I stopped trusting Gods voice and His heart. I kept reading my bible and I would tell God- I’d like for you to teach me something, some knowledge, but don’t SPEAK to me.
As wrong as I was in those moments… God was gracious with me. He didn’t run ahead of me or push me. He’s walked next to me, giving me time to rest, heal, and begin trusting Him again. It's been a slow process. He’s been my comforter and my strength the past few months and I’ve experienced Him in ways I never had before. My tiny, insignificant human brain will never understand God or His ways. And so I gave up trying. I've asked God to speak to me again. It sounds simple- but its monumental.
God, teach me to really trust You again. To hear you speak. Open my ears and forgive me for ever asking you to be silent in my life. And thank you for never actually being silent but instead gentle and patient.
I stole this quote from Jordan Stinziano's blog a year and a half ago. And over the past week I've read it every day. It has been my prayer for myself and for the Stinzianos- that in the midst of life- that there we would see Jesus Christ.
We’re not out of the woods yet, but when are we ever? Life is not that easy. But God is always in the midst of the wilderness with us… no matter how dark or desolate it seems. He is always declaring His goodness, His might, His power and His grace to us. The key to living in those dark times is to see Him there…to see and find Him…and be willing to embrace Him in the wilderness and wait there with Him until He leads you out. There His grace becomes evident. There His love becomes so overwhelming, and you become so confident that only He can lead you, only He can save you, only He can really love, and only He is worthy of your love and your life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
